hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I was not drunk enough for that final.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
