I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
