I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
