I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
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