My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
