We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Randomize
