i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
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