Slut skills are useful in every country.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
