she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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