i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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