I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
