The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
