my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
