I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
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