he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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