she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
