He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Randomize
