In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
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