So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
