So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Randomize
