The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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