we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Randomize
