But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
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