Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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