I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
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He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
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Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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