I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
