your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
I'm laying in your front yard are you home
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
