New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
