Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
