i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
