did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I love you.
Bad choice
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize