I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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