Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Randomize
