I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Randomize
