Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
