I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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