i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
