and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
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"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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