I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
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