i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
