That's intense
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
