He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
