im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
