when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
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