If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Randomize
