I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Sorry my hands just texted you
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Randomize
