im gay
i know
yea but for you.
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
