are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Randomize
