in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Randomize
