Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
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