Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Randomize
