you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Randomize
