I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
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