i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
