Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Randomize
