in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
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