So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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