why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Watching her eat just hurts me
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
