so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
