I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
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