overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Randomize
