i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Randomize
