I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
