I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Randomize
