U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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