apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize
