please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
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