last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
