I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Randomize
