The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
