Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Randomize
