Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
what day is it and did you see me today?
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Randomize
