chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
